Emotional Abuse Leaves No Scars

Any physical abuse of your spouse might leave a scar whereas an emotional abuse leaves no scars since these are not visible to the naked eyes of the people. However, it is as harmful as physical abuse. Emotional abuse comes under the category of domestic violence and abuse since it is used to gain power and control over a spouse. 

In an emotional abuse there is nothing like physical punching or kicking or shoving happens. However your self-esteem is attacked by your spouse in a gradual manner and over a period of time you will be left without any self-esteem. In spite of losing self-esteem bit by bit, the spouse does not leave the marriage which appears un-understandable. Since the erosion of  self-esteem is in a slow and steady manner, at some point of time you lose your ability to make reasonable decisions.

Although people adopt different tactics for abusing their partner emotionally all of them have the same objective. The abuser is interested in taking full control of their spouse. Physical violence shows a wound or broken bone which can be seen visually and testify to the violence. On the contrary emotional abuse of a person shows no scars or broken bones and hence it is not possible to prove that emotional abuse has occurred.  There are behavioral signs from which you can infer this.  For example, persons who have been subjected to emotional abuse are incapable of taking a single decision without consulting the spouse. The fear shown by the abused spouse is the real sign of this. 

The emotional abusers adopt the following tactics.

	You are made to feel untrustworthy and you can't be yourself at any time
	In order to put your self-esteem down your spouse yells at you, curses you or calls you names
	Insults you in front of others
	Often threatens you with divorce
	Without any provocation showers with verbal abuse
	Questions everyone of your movements and also spies on you
	Accuses you of doing things you did not do

Normally persons who abuse emotionally their spouses follow a specific pattern of behavior. At times they show sudden outbursts to scare you into submission; later on they apologize for their behavior. The abuser many times apologize for his/ her action by saying sorry; however he/ she follows it up with a reasoning saying that he did not have any choice left because of your way of behaving or talking.

Game of Intimidation

Emotional abuse can be considered as a game of intimidation. The abuser by his/ her looks and gestures show his/ her intention to scare you; but he does not hit you physically. For example, he may yell at you and scream obscenities and then doubles his fist and pull back to show that he is going to punch you. However he does not actually do this. But you might have felt that it could happen because of the gestures he made.

Since emotional abuse can not be physically seen by people, some people consider emotional abuse as more dangerous than physical abuse. If you want to get outside help for emotional abuse it is very difficult to convince others that you have been emotionally assaulted by your spouse. The courts have been taking a long time to recognize emotional abuse as domestic violence. 

In case a marriage is wrought with emotional abuse it is not a good marriage. Emotional abuse is akin to a system of battering. Battering is a pattern of behavior used to establish power and control over another person through fear and intimidation, often including the threat or use of violence. Battering happens when one person believes they are entitled to control another. Domestic abuse in any shape or form is a crime.

Getting the Help You Deserve

If you get emotionally battered or abused, you should try to get out of that situation as early as possible and get help. Any kind of abuse should not be tolerated by anyone. That too it appears worse when it comes from the person whom you hold dearly.

An emotionally abused person finds it extremely difficult even to take the first step. One of the main effects of abuse is the gradual erosion of self-esteem; this makes a person lose confidence and become unable to defend themself. In case you find that you are finding yourself in this situation it is advisable to take assistance from your family and friends even if you do not opt for professional help. Perhaps you stay away from home in a place that keeps you away from the abuser.

You may feel that somebody else may find it easy to advise you on this. You should realize that emotional abuse is as bad as physical abuse. You may find that people who involve in the psychological abuse follow it up with violent acts over time.  It is better to deal with the problem now than later.

Your abuser will ask for help if he/she really loves you. Restoration of love and marriage under such circumstances is possible for which one must exercise patience; however this therapy takes a long time to cure. This is subject to the following conditions.

	You must prevent divorce in this period.
	Your abuser must accept that he has a problem and is willing to take help.

Both parties must go for counseling sessions to overcome the natural consequences of emotional abuse.