I Told You "No Kids"

After the marriage the spouses start discussing about planning for kids; this is a major decision in the life of a couple. Discussions on having kids can take the following routes.

	Postpone having kid for a few years
	Plan for having kid immediately
	Plan not to have children
	Postpone the decision of having children or not to a later date

Even if you did not discuss about having children prior to your marriage you still might face similar problems. It may be possible that one of the spouses is keen to have a child whereas other may not be interested in having a kid. Discussions on the number of children that you should have and also when to have them might lead to arguments. You should realize that this issue evokes emotions and could cause a lot of pain and heartache; hence it is necessary to handle this issue with tact. Divorces have occurred in a number of cases since the spouses were unable to resolve the issue of having children.

Most Important Decision

When both the spouses have a difference in opinion about having a baby it is absolutely essential that you and your spouse discuss this subject in depth. After your marriage this decision is the most important decision a couple takes. You must realize that the decision to have a baby is a commitment from your end which has to be honored throughout your life. This commitment binds you for raising, caring and loving that child for the rest of your life. It could be distressing for both of you if either of the spouses remind you at a later date saying that he/ she said "No kids!"

A spouse who changes his/ her minds after marriage on the issue of having children could become anxious and unhappy if the partner does not change his/ her mind.  The young couple finds it difficult to cope up with the pressures of growing older and coming to the understanding regarding having a kid. As time passes biology negates the option of having the kid. Many spouses have started a campaign to convince their husband and wife into changing their mind about having children.

It is not possible to make couple want children by force. However it might be worthwhile to explore their feelings with a view to determine the real reasons for not wanting to have children. The couple may not want the kids not because they do not like children but because of the inherent fear.  In the event of overcoming the fear the spouse might either change their mind or reconsider having kids within a set timeframe.

The Right Reasons

There are many reasons that will make a spouse disinterested in having children. For example, the spouse could have had problems in their childhood which would have affected psychologically. Alternately the spouse is not financially sound to make a commitment for a kid because of expenses involved. Some spouses are afraid to take the responsibility of bringing up a new human being that is totally dependent on them. There are others who do not want to change their lifestyle to accommodate a child in the family.

It is not unusual for the couple to reach a deadlock on the issue of having kids. It is not possible to force the spouse to want a child and if the issue is unresolved it might lead to divorce. A decision of going for divorce is the last and final step; one has to take many steps in between before arriving at such a radical decision. In case you are able to pinpoint the true reason for any of the spouses not wanting to have children as opposed to the reason told openly one might be able to find a compromise. For example, if the spouse is not wanting the kid because of financial commitment you could agree to wait for some time and take a call on this. In the meantime both of you should try and workout a household budget which includes a new baby.

In case a person is not willing to give up their freedom after the baby arrives it is a difficult proposition. You lifestyle requires complete change if you have a baby. Once the baby is born your entire life revolves around the child for a long time and your marriage must be really solid to bear that. However you can not solve marital problems by having a baby.

If solution eludes both of you in spite of all your best efforts you should consult a marriage counselor or therapist. It is not advisable to continue to live in disagreement for the rest of your life; you should find a solution early on this issue. You cannot postpone this decision indefinitely due to physical reasons. 

There is no quick-fix solution for the problem of one spouse wanting children and the other not wanting it. Both of you should move heaven and earth to solve this problem in order to keep your marriage alive. Counseling might help in preventing an unhappy life and stop divorce.